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Sex is more in the head then in the Genitals

Sex is more in the head then in the Genitals

It is very easy to be calm and peaceful when things are going well. The problem is when there are conflicts or tense moments when it is important to remain calm and composed. For this reason, psychologist Patricia Ramírez, better known in the networks as Patri Psicóloga, has published the book Vivir con serenidad. 365 consejos (Grijalbo, 2022), in which he writes a whole range of proposals so that readers can learn to live in a more serene and contemplative way. 

One of his chapters is dedicated to the importance of living a relationship as a couple from serenity, quite a challenge for many people. Because? "We come from a couple model in which, to be right, we use aggression", explains Ramírez.When you have to talk about something tense with your partner, it seems that the one who shouts the most is the one who is right, and we even attack the other person for being right", continues the psychologist.

Sex is more in the

He admits that this especially happens in bonds where there is a lot of trust, such as between members of a couple, children or parents. "They are those people who, at first, we know we won't lose and with whom we allow ourselves the license to raise our voice and treat them in a way that we would never treat a friend. It seems that this close bond allows us to compare, humiliate, not listen carefully or treat the other with kindness and respect, because it is a discussion", he regrets.

How to reverse this situation? When conflicts or discrepancies arise in a couple, the most important thing, according to the psychologist, is that there is friendly, loving and respectful communication. Is there a financial problem? It has to be talked about. That there is a difference in values ​​when it comes to educating children or a discrepancy in how we want to spend our free time?

Values ​​and respect

It is always said that it is very important for a couple to respect each other. But what exactly does respect mean? Is it the same for everyone? "You have to define what it means for each member of the couple, just as you have to define what fidelity is," explains the psychologist. "For one person, respect may mean not insulting and for another it may be that they listen to them and take their needs into account," he summarizes. For this reason, he always advises couples that, as soon as they meet, or even if they already have children, they sit down and spend time talking about their values ​​as a couple.

If we know what each person's values ​​are and what they mean, what is most important and what is not, this will help us to be more respectful of the other, to make the right decisions and to have more confidence," says l expert Therefore, a large part of the secret of serenity as a couple comes from defining these values.

Another of the mistakes that many couples make at the beginning of the relationship is not wanting to see or admit the differences that exist with the other person. "We only keep what we want to hear. If one says he doesn't want children, the other can't think that one day he will change. All points must be clear from the beginning and assess whether that relationship interests us before making a commitment. Do you want to live in the countryside or in the city? Secular or religious education? Shared or separate accounts? These are issues that, in the long run, can generate many conflicts and that only separate and take away all serenity", he reflects. For this reason, it is essential that, from the beginning, one presents himself as he is and warns which part can change and which is non-negotiable. 

Take care of privacy
Throughout the life of a couple's relationship there may be times when their sexuality is neglected. Either because of the appearance of the children, because of the daily frenetic rhythm or because of the routine. "In the beginning there is a lot of passion, because there is a chemistry that is indisputable, but then it's time to take care of romantic love, quality conversations, care and pamper the other and dedicate a space to them", advises Ramírez. 

It is also very important to always encourage a sense of humor. "Sex is more in the head than in the genitals. If you listen to the other, you are his accomplice, you admire him and you focus on the things that attract you, the normal thing is that sex comes later", he continues. And for the sexual relationship to be peaceful, which does not mean that it is not passionate, you have to talk and communicate a lot. "You can't have a peaceful sexuality if, as a woman, you hide your belly so that you don't notice it and you can't concentrate on enjoying the pleasure", she concludes.

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