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Shakira is in the anger phase she sounds like an angry teenager

Shakira is in the anger phase she sounds like an angry teenager

Dimitra Doumpioti (Greece, 1977) is a psychotherapist, member of the Board of the College of Psychologists of Catalonia, and author of the book Historia de lo Nuestro. He also directs the Barcelona International School of Psychotherapy. Yesterday, in class, they talked about Piqué and Shakira with the students; how the human systems of a family are made up, and how they evolve over time. We asked him to help us understand what a breakup means for the couple, what it means for the children, and what recipes there are to avoid it being traumatic.

What do you think of the song?

It is interesting that an icon shows that it is fragile and human, and can also go through grief and feel spite. But in the case of Shakira, what we see in the lyrics is not the vulnerability of a breakup: a defensive and insecure person appears. As a woman, I feel sorry. And as a therapist, I think they are putting the children in an extremely compromised situation.

We'll talk about the children right away. But is there a recipe for ending a relationship well when you've been dumped?

With the other well. We must bear in mind that the people who are significant to us have a brain-scale representation, an important internal representation. The other is part of ourselves. And it's painful because when they leave you, an important part of yourself rejects us. But we have to try to understand what happened and accept it. If not, we tear ourselves to pieces.

Is it possible to wish the best for the other when you have felt deeply betrayed?

There are few things more painful for self-esteem than the fact that your partner leaves you for someone else. It hurts a lot. But it helps to understand what happened. Maybe Shakira felt insecure after becoming a mother, maybe he wasn't up to it or didn't know how to value her. We do not know. In any case, understanding what happened helps not to repeat it, and not to fall into the same patterns. And even if the other person has not valued you, feel and know that you are a valid and valuable person.

How is this done?

 With safety and self-esteem. Knowing, for example, what you have built with that person over the years. No woman can replace it. And if he becomes infatuated with someone else, it's time not to get carried away by anger and think: "What a shame you don't want to see the next chapters so precious and impressive. You are missing something very big". I think it's the way to move forward. She is not in that phase. He is in the anger phase.

How many are there?

Five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It's not a mathematical thing, on the same day you can go through more than one phase. But when the stage of acceptance is reached one is at peace with the loss and can conclude grieving.

Shakira teenager

In the song he talks about Clara Chía, Piqué's new partner, with phrases like " Cambiaste un Ferrari por un Twingo, cambiaste un Rolex por un Casio ". What do you think about it?

I understand that it is very painful for the couple to leave with someone else. And you have to get the anger out. You can do it with your friends, saying nonsense even. The problem is that what Shakira has done will remain forever, including for her children.

How does it affect them, the children?

I'm very sorry to say it like that, but I think it's a traumatic situation. This happens to them at a very bad age; because they perfectly understand the lyrics of the song, but at the same time they cannot defend themselves on an interpersonal level. Maybe they're being told things by their parents, grandparents, and everyone, and they're not yet ready to set boundaries and stand up for themselves.

What does it mean to a woman that the partner leaves with another almost twenty years younger?

He is younger than you. Maybe more attractive. And maybe even the man feels stronger in that relationship. It poses a problem for a woman who has placed her strength and confidence in her physique. And it's clear that Shakira has put a lot of value on that over the years and has had value for her dances, and her hips. I think that you should try to build relationships based on personal baggage that makes us attractive far beyond the physical, the baggage of life with the partner, and the moments shared. And learn from what has happened, from the value you give yourself and that the other gives you, so as not to repeat patterns with partners in the future. I always talk about three stages in relationships: childhood, adolescence and, if you are lucky enough to experience it, adulthood. The problem is that many men, and some women too, just want a childhood.

It's a magnificent stage, isn't it?

The beginning, where there is only passion. You feel admired. But this cannot be sustained forever and it reaches adolescence, where there are frictions. And depending on the tools the couple has, they are resolved for better or worse. I think that Piqué and Shakira have not been able to overcome this phase. She actually sounds like an angry teenager.

If you could, what would you say to Shakira in one sentence?

Remember that you are old. Go to your greatness, remember it. You need it for yourself, and for all the women and mothers you are inspiring.

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